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Head over “Heals”: Perfecting your Love Relationship   

by Carla C. Hugo

Whether you are married or are in a committed relationship, would you consider yourself head over heels in love?  Could your relationship benefit from some healing?  For the purpose of writing this article, I have used the term married.  Please substitute language you are comfortable with while reading.  This article addresses mature topics as they pertain to adult love relationships. 
 
Take a moment to recall why you decided to get married in the first place?  Reach for that memory and pause to be in the great feeling place of that time in your life.  The memory of being in new love is a key to perfecting and healing your present love relationship.  Let the feeling of joy, as you recall first discovering your love, resonate with you now.   Be vivid in your recollection.  While feeling joyful, identify your current vision for your marriage.  Without pinpointing present challenges, what is your dream for your marriage?
Was your relationship once full of energy, passion, devotion, understanding, acceptance and more?
    
Whether 2 or 22 years into it, what do you want for your marriage right now?  Thus far, you have identified your love history.  What is your love future?  Maybe you envision a partnership of trust, forgiveness, being so close that you can sense the pulse of your partner both physically and emotionally. 
 
Possibly you are in disbelief that such a vision could be a reality for you.  But being “in love” is not just for teenagers any more!
 
Let’s look at how you moved from a place of a passion, connectedness and being in love, to a place of dull predictability with so many roles and responsibilities to fulfill.  On this journey, the uniqueness of the companionship initially formed is forgotten.  As a couple in marriage, there is the inimitable aspect of physical connection that differentiates marriage from other companionships.  Often in the midst of child rearing and high pressure careers, physical intimacy becomes a low priority.  Before you know it, your marriage partner feels like a roommate.  The occurrence of physical connectedness dwindles.  In these situations, physical intimacy is often viewed as recreation, taking last place behind chores, bills and the desire for sleep. 
 
With heavy competition from obligatory responsibilities, couples tend to cast off physical intimacy as ‘voluntary’.  It can be moved to tomorrow’s schedule.
 
But, what if physical intimacy with your spouse became as compelling as paying the bills, as rewarding as teaching your child a new concept, as exhilarating as reaching a new physical challenge and as intimate as a conversation with a dear friend?
 
Consider elevating physical intimacy to a form of communicating all of these things.  When physical intimacy is a form of recreation, often we don’t have time to play!  When it is a means to communicate with the one you chose to share your life with, it reaches epic priority. 
 
Soon you will be able to reorient your partnership by capturing the wonderful feelings of your past and using that energy in the present moment.  Let the memory of that emotion be a tool to evolve your marriage.  Take the notion of making physical intimacy a celebration of your marriage and an opportunity to communicate from your heart.
  
Maybe you are thinking, “OK, physical intimacy is a low priority for me.  And now I realize I have been reducing it to recreation and wonder if I even feel like “playing” with my partner?”
 
If you are presently focused upon the differences between you and your mate, try adjusting the lense through which you view your partner.  Can you see virtue in how they are different from you?  Go back to your recollection of new love.   Dwell in this good feeling.
 
Can you trust in the love and devotion of your partner?  Can you trust that your differences are not just OK, but also good?
 
Are you capable of giving yourself away in love, as your partner does the same for you?  Are you ready to accept that love?
 
If the idea of physical intimacy with your spouse as a method of giving your whole self over to one another is raw for you, it may be time to put reconciliation and forgiveness at the forefront.  Create a quiet time with your spouse where you can each have the opportunity to be silent and listen.  Open yourself up to seeing the goodness in one another.  Face the hurts with humility, grace and peace.  Visualize a blanket of golden light protecting you as you release pain, open to forgiveness and become uplifted at the release that has occurred.
 
Remember what it felt like to be head over heels in love?  Make a choice to be passionately involved with your partner.  How creative can you become in finding ways of making your spouse feel loved?  Keep your attention on the beauty and goodness inherent in your spouse.
 
Watch these great feelings multiply, blossom, and engulf you.  You have the power to create transformation in your love relationship.
 
Steps to becoming “Head Over Heals:”

1. Use a joy-filled memory to create a sense of loving fulfillment within.
2. Make physical intimacy a unique celebration of your marriage, a tool of communication, and of great importance.
3. If you are unable to go to Step 2, reconcile, forgive, and see beauty shine in one another.  Feel safe in the glow of healing and release the pain.
4. Be passionately involved with each other every day.  Each of you will feel loved and adored, as the other is loving and adoring you!
 

BE HEAD OVER “HEALS”!

Contact me if you are ready for a coach to help you Perfect Your Love Relationship.